How It All Began

shandria puckett

What in the World Happened to Old Fashioned Dating?

I have been divorced for a handful of years now. I do not typically do everything I am told to do; However, I did wait for a year or so after divorcing before starting to date again as many friends had recommended. Although my personal “break” of healing from a failed relationship was well spent in that year or so. The time spent healing in no way prepared me for what is now the dating scene, or shall I say game? Being older now and as such not predisposed to reveal my age, I was not into the bars or any other scene that kept me up late at night allegedly waiting for Mr. Right to ride up and sweep me away to my beautiful castle. So, for me when all my friends were excitedly promoting online dating to me, eventually I caved in and figured that I would give it a try. What could it hurt right? No late nights in bars and I can scan the menu from my couch at my leisure how could it go wrong?. It seemed a much better situation than trolling the bars and trying to hang with the party crowd that I was never into to being with

I began building a profile and chatting away with the men I found compatible on some level. Regardless of the fact that I felt myself and all the others were putting themselves on the proverbial auction block, hawking ourselves for our best selling qualities, or so we think anyway. I continued to participate because that is the way now, or at least I was informed. After messaging back and forth with a couple of different potential dates for a couple of weeks a friend finally talked me into ripping the ole’ band-aid off so to speak and meeting up with one of the potential suitors I had been chatting with, Thinking to myself it probably was time that I put words of promise about possibly meeting into actions, I readied myself for the task. 

In this day and age, most feel women need to be very cautious in meeting up with men they have only spoken with online. I am no different, as I have always been of the opinion that the person you are communicating with online could be anywhere down the street with a laptop trying to sell you on the idea of anything plausible. Online dating turned out it be no different. The first gut I met at a restaurant for a couple of drinks had told more than a couple of lies. His height is the first and most obvious. The gentleman had stated he was 5’9’ in his dating profile. That tale turned out to be taller than him. When I arrived at the restaurant, it took him hopping off the bar stool and finding me to recognize him. Myself being only  5’5” had to glance down at him and take a slightly prolonged glance before recognition of his face kicked in. Feeling that I had somehow been shortchanged, the meeting didn’t last long and I was left to wonder what else he may be lying about. It seems most people find it easy to lie about their undesirable qualities. It definitely was an eye-opening experience, one that not only got my toes wet but my wheels a turning. My first question was how can someone lie so easily about something so obvious and so quickly discovered? The next was how do you find Mr. Right on a site filled with so much deception?The third question became clear after checking messages from potential mates that began with. So what are you looking for?  Hi there, why are you here? And finally every female’s favorite…What are you doing? Really? What am I doing? What kind of greeting is that?

The online dating world seems more like a meat market for people too lazy to go out and meet real people. It seems reminiscent of choosing your take-out for the evening, or your meal delivery plan. Please tell me what happened to people actually wanting to see each other and having a witty or meaningful conversation? In today’s world, a couple of weeks or so of texting and a initial spark of chemistry seems to be all you need to hit it off with potential mate after potential mate. Well, I tell ya I refuse to participate. I like getting to know someone face-to-face. I like being able to see facial expressions, body language, and the subtle looks and glances that say so much. The art of flirtation and the context of meaning are lost in text-only communication. When did finding love become like ordering your regular pizza from your favorite pizza delivery spot?

Ladies my last question comes down to us. When did we start accepting this as the norm? Since the dawn of time men and women have enjoyed the chase. Enjoyed getting to know one another in hopes to find that perfect mate. We all dream of that perfect mate that has all the qualifications on our checklist. When did we stop interviewing and why? I am not sure of the answers, but I feel we all need to get back to the basics. Back to getting to know one another. We need to get back to the chase. Relationships are hard, hard because they take communication, honesty, and commitment. These are things we all want, but will never find through limited face-to-face communication with mates based on all our previous swipes. Get out there meet people, and do not sell yourself short! Do not settle for your regular order relationships.

Hello everyone!! My name is Shan, at least that is what a lot of people call me. I have started this blog to help out the ladies that may need direction or advice in their current dating situation, relationship, or just overall love life. I am 45-years old,have been married twice,and I am currently back in the dating world. Let me tell you it has completely changed over the last 14 years. I am not a fan of this hook-up culture and have run across many of players in my years. I will tell you this, I am tired of the games, as we all are; However I do think we contribute by playing them and tolerating them. My goal is to help others the best I can in recognizing the player, the liar, the cheater, and the now becoming popular hobo-sexual(You know the ones’ that fall in love almost immediately for a place to live but dont ever contribute a thing). We as women need to put an end to this unfortunate male behavior. Men will treat us as we allow them too, and put us through what we show them we will put up with. This needs to change! We need to Stand up for ourselves and demand respect while looking for a potential mate. I also believe getting to know that person before hopping in the hay for a quick roll around in it is crucial. Let’s see how far we can make in in this journey of love and finding a life companion without falling victim to the games played in our current dating rituals!

shandria puckett

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